Stop It, Rhode Island.: Raise your damn standards, Rhode Island.

Now there's your homage to Puccini.

Bored? Unannoyed? Haven't snorted derisively at anything in a while? Here's a fun thing to try:

Take a look at this writeup in last Sunday's ProJo about "Family," the inspired-by-the-Rhode-Island-mob musical penned by Arlene Violet, the Ocean State's very own ex-nun, ex-attorney general, and current hater of all things union. (Maybe you caught a clip of it on last Friday's "The Soup?" I did!) Of all the ridiculous things in this article, which is the most ridiculous?

Here are some hints. It's not this:

The show, based on some of the more colorful characters Violet encountered as Rhode Island attorney general in the mid-1980s, has got to be the most anticipated event of the summer.

or this:

And who isn’t curious about anything touched by Violet, the former nun and prosecutor, and now a controversial radio talk show host?

Who indeed? Moving on. It's not this, but you're getting warmer:

Violet doesn’t want to say too much about the plot of her baby, except that it’s “gritty but also funny, because wise guys are funny.”

Oh, the laughs! And it isn't this, even though it reminds me of my favorite movie:

Meanwhile, Violet is busy raising money, doing publicity and making sure New York movers and shakers come to town to see the show. She has hopes of taking “The Family” to New York, but said that will cost $8 million.

It isn't this, which... just... I don't even know:

When snitch Joe Barros goes into witness protection at the end of act one, he gives his daughter a string of pearls, albeit stolen pearls, to ease her pain of having to give up the life she knew, echoing a practice of Barboza, who in real life used to give his daughter a doll each time he killed someone.

Like you do! And it isn't this, because everyone knows that people who are against gay marriage are against it because they haven't been exposed to the right musical theater character:

No one in the show is all black or white, except perhaps the son, Renaldo, the aspiring opera singer who is gay. Garzilli called him the show’s “moral barometer,” the son every mother would love to have.
“Maybe if people see a character like the son,” said Violet, “it will change the Rhode Island debate over same-sex marriage.”

You betcha. Or this:

There is even a homage to Puccini, in a scene where Renaldo sings at the Providence Performing Arts Center, while his father is on the phone with a Chicago mob boss and another character is being beaten senseless in a corner.

Sweet lord. Give up? Okay. The most ridiculous thing in this whole ridiculous display? Is this: