Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Central Falls: Rhode Island's Detroit!

Poor Central Falls. Could someone, somewhere, just cut this city a break for once? Last year it made national news when its drastically underperforming school system fired every single high school teacher. A couple of months later it made national news again when the entire city was placed into receivership (it would have straight-up gone bankrupt, but apparently that’s illegal in Rhode Island). Last month the state-appointed receiver shut down the town’s library, which, by all accounts, was nothing to brag about when it was operational, but it was the only library CF had. And now the receiver is asking everyone who receives a pension from the town – retired police, firefighters, etc. – to give back up to half of those pensions to keep this bowl-circling municipality from going entirely down the drain. And these aren’t the fat-cat public pensioners that seem to have everyone over at Fox News so upset, what with their yachts and walk-in humidors and such. The biggest pension in all of Central Falls is just over fifty grand, and the smallest, which shall henceforth be filed under “why bother,” is about four hundred bucks. A year. True, there’s one guy who “retired,” got his pension, and then was “rehired,” but he’s the exception.

Central Falls is tiny – the teeniest, tiniest city in the teeniest, tiniest state. It covers just one square mile, but it’s the most densely populated town in Rhode Island. Not surprisingly, it’s also the poorest. I served on a jury a few years ago and the case was a crime that happened in Central Falls. During voire dire, both the defense and the prosecution wanted to know whether prospective jurors had any “bad or negative feelings” toward the Central Falls police department or Central Falls in general. More than a few hands went up.

Its motto is “A City With a Bright Future,” because apparently no one could think of anything more depressing.

On the up side, I believe that things can only get better for Central Falls now. And if the movies have taught me anything, is that when a person (or, in this case, incorporated community) is truly at his/its lowest point, when all hope has been lost, something magical happens and turns it all around. I wonder what it’ll be for Central Falls? Will they strike oil on Broad Street? Will they find pirate’s treasure buried under the Price Right? Will a genie grant the town three wishes, and for once someone will have the common sense to wish for more wishes, for crying out loud? Whatever it is, I bet it’s going to be good. It has to be, right? I can’t wait!

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